baby mama drama.

It occurred to me recently that I’m at the age now where my friends are actually choosing to have children. Cute kids with expensive strollers and BabyGap clothes and adorable photos in sepia tone. But, you know, that doesn’t mean everyone has their shit together.

ANYWAY. This week’s craft was supposed to be finished two months ago, on or around the time that my nephew and his ex-girlfriend were having a baby. I’m happy to report that we’ve successfully removed ourselves from that situation as the baby proved not to be my nephew’s after all (thanks, science!).

Still, I had come to terms with the fact that I was probably going to be a great-aunt and thought I would do something cute for my great-nephew, Frankie. I bought a trio of coordinating Onesies with the intention of doing a little dinosaur appliqué on each.  Then, as it got closer to the date, I started dragging my feet. Was I really going to put my heart into this, take all this time and then give it to that trashy family where they wouldn’t actually care about my efforts? A derailing, craft-induced ego trip, I know, but still. I was angry about the frustrations these people were causing my family.

I almost gave the Onesies to Goodwill but I decided they were too cute. I’d find a baby to put them on! I finally got around to putting them together this weekend.

First, I found cute dinosaur images on the internet. I’d give credit but that information is on my home computer and I’m work-blogging. I traced them and made dinosaur stencils to work from. I cut out the images from felt using an Exacto knife and my self-healing mat.

As is the case with all crafty undertakings, there was a set-back during this process. That set-back being that I didn't think to check under my felt for stray dinosaurs or stencils and beheaded both the T. rex stencil and felt cut out while detailing that stegosaurus. Dammit.

I pinned the felt dinosaurs onto the Onesies and used the blanket stitch the whole way around the dinos.

Brain-pin.

And voila!

Look at his little french-knot eye! I've done my first french knots, I'm like a real craft-lady.

A trio!

Now, someone make a baby for me to clothe.

Seriously though, having kids? #WTF. No offense to all the parents out there, many (MANY!) of the parents I know are amazing people.  It’s just that I think this animal-like urge to produce another human clouds judgment so much so that people actually start to act against their own best interests, i.e: Snooki. That woman is genetically a couple strands away from being a cat in heat. She just writhed around and moaned and ruined shit until something impregnated her. If you watch the video from the link below, I’m pretty sure you can hear Snooki in the background yelling “Somebody fuck me or I’m pissing on everything!”

zoo-creatures.jhtml#id=1629734

So yeah.

Next week’s project will be wrapping up a knit project I’ve been working on for the last two weeks, which I will totally finish on the MegaBus on my way to visit Rae in Philadelphia! I need this trip. Hard.

 

6 Comments

Filed under crafts, generally awesome, sewing

6 responses to “baby mama drama.

  1. Craftiest Kait

    You know I’d love to make you a gayby to clothe… but alas that takes money for my kind. Guess I gotta get crafting to make money to make baby for your crafts…or something.
    Loving your blog… per usual. xo

  2. I don’t understand the baby thing, either. I’ll probably dry up before I think that’s a good idea.

    • F’real. I anticipate a moment when I’m fifty and I get super existential about it and feel a little bit terrible and then I remember that I have a retirement fund and I spend the last 20 years of my life drinking wine, taking painkillers and going on cruises, hopefully to space.

  3. Awe so tute! I wish I had a baby oreo for you to put these on.
    Wait. No I don’t.

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