Category Archives: generally awesome

not-yo-gramma’s mini skirt.

Based on the ever democratic process of polling my friends on the internets, I threw together this little H&M-inspired mini skirt last week. I’ll be posting a tutorial on this INCREDIBLY simple throw-it-together-in-two-episodes-of-Ancient-Aliens-or-less piece sometime in the next couple of days.

I haven’t blogged about it yet because I’m trying desperately to have a life that doesn’t involve sitting at a computer all day. Which means that, in addition to the skirt, I have made a metric shit ton of other things in the last couple of weeks and just haven’t tossed them up on here yet. I’m actually finishing Christmas presents already while knitting at my desk at work. Yeah, I totally just blew the surprise, but whatever.

I’m back in the vinyl bag business in a big way. Here’s some recent stuff:

This one was a special project for Sloppy Jodes.

 

Look at that dramatic lighting!

I can’t post a couple of the things I’ve done just yet because they’re for birthday gifts or are waiting on the final touches. I’ll get them up here soon though. Well, I make no promises really. I’m bringing my motorcycle to the city this weekend, so I might never be indoors again. Four wheels is just two too many. LIIIIIVE TO RIIIIIIIIIIIDE!

In addition to not computing outside of the office, I’ve been doing the “tourist in my own city” thing for the last couple of days. I took an absolutely incredible walking tour of Pittsburgh’s Hill District, following Lawrence A. Glasco and Christopher Rawson’s book August Wilson: Pittsburgh Places in his Life and Plays. If you’re from Pittsburgh or intend to visit sometime and care about important things, you should find a copy (try the Carnegie Library Branch in the Hill District, where you can see the stool from Eddie’s Restaurant where August used to hang out) and take the tour. Here’s a great shot from the top of the Hill, with the remains of a funicular (the Penn Avenue Incline) that was removed during a period of not-so-subtle racism.

The incline, removed in 1953, ran to 17th and Penn Ave in the Strip District. Shortly after it’s removal, construction began on the Civic Arena, drawing a distinct line between the Hill and downtown Pittsburgh, further alienating this neighborhood from the rest of the city.

Other miscellany: TORI SPELLING IS STARTING A CRAFTING REALITY SHOW. yesssssssss. How do I get on this?! She’s faboo!

 

 

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Filed under crafts, generally awesome, off week, pittsburgh, sewing

blockbuster.

So a while back… we’re talking March here… I decided that I was going to try to knock out a couple of my favorite Pinterest projects. This didn’t go as planned exactly (what does?) but I am here to announce that I have completed this challenge to myself. Sort of.

I started to make that amazingly cute little clutch. It’s seriously cute. I went with a hot pink and taupe color scheme because I had a lot of those colors in DMC thread laying around from the Golden Girls needlepoint I did last year. Oh god, I need pics of that so bad.

I’m slightly further along now than at the time of this photo, but I’m out of embroidery floss AGAIN.

Little did I know that I would need a metric fuck-ton of the stuff. After buying out all of my local JoAnn’s stock of DMC 600 and 611 and the surrounding colors and hoping they’d just look cool and variegated, I still didn’t have enough. SO. That project is on hold.

In the mean time, I picked a different project from my “Shit I Like” board. Berroco offers free patterns on their websites and the Espenson was calling to me.

Today’s word of the day is Caftan. Caftan (noun): a potentially frumpy sweater, ideally worn while staring over your right shoulder at nothing at all.

Lucky for me, I had the perfect yarn handy. You see, one day at work, my boss proposed a bonding experience that involved a 3 hour excursion to get Chik-Fil-A, go craft shopping and drink milkshakes. My boss is a 37 year old straight man. My coworker, Alfred, called it “the worst day of his life.” You win some, you lose some, Alfred.*

So I set to work. And damn it was a lot of work. I learned a few things, like how to increase and decrease stitches and that, for who-knows-what reason, the TSA totally lets you take knitting supplies on airplanes. Tell me how that’s logical.

I mostly finished the thing while I was on a plane home from a wedding in San Diego. When I got home, I stitched it up the sides and put it on.  IT WAS FRUMP CITY. I just didn’t understand it. It was heavy and had no stretch. I should have gotten a photo with it on, but I was damn embarrassed.

Imagine, if you will, putting this on while laying down, then standing up and having it retain that EXACT shape.

I put it in a pile of clothes that I have to repair and consigned myself to just ripping the whole thing out. I was a little sick over it actually. I spent at least 30 hours on this thing. Let’s do some math:

Yarn: 5 balls at about $5/each (sale, woo!) = $25

Time: 30 hours at minimum wage ($7.25/hour) = $217.50

This sweater is worth $242.50. Just think about the last time you spent nearly $250 on an item of clothing. Yeah, never, right? Ok, ok… I know some folks reading this have, but I’m no Oprah. Occasionally I get dressed and realize, hours later, that I’m dressed head-to-toe in House of Goodwill. I fretted over pulling the whole thing out, but I knew it was the best thing for both of us. Just like putting the family dog to sleep.

Then I discovered the knitter’s miracle. BLOCKING.  Oh my lord. I came home from work that day, ripped out the side seams and got the whole thing wet. Just like putting the family dog to sleep.

Get it wet, pin it to something and the rest will take care of itself…

So this is the final result. Pretty swift, huh?

The caftan is cool, but check those earrings. Trent’s amazing at buying me things.

Sincere apologies to my girl Em for wearing leggings as pants in this photo. I’m not gonna lie, I’ll probably do that in public too.

Up next, something summery. It’s fucking hot.

*Note that this trip was inspired by Alfred’s deep seated hatred for the awkward teenage boy that works in our local Chik-Fil-A, offering to grind fresh pepper on your sandwiches and insisting that you take mints. We’ve all had separate encounters with the kid, only Alfred hated him. This trip was entirely about witnessing the interaction between Alfred, a 60 year old queen, and the minty fresh pimpled pepper grinder, but the kid wasn’t working that day. Worst day of our lives, indeed.

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baby mama drama.

It occurred to me recently that I’m at the age now where my friends are actually choosing to have children. Cute kids with expensive strollers and BabyGap clothes and adorable photos in sepia tone. But, you know, that doesn’t mean everyone has their shit together.

ANYWAY. This week’s craft was supposed to be finished two months ago, on or around the time that my nephew and his ex-girlfriend were having a baby. I’m happy to report that we’ve successfully removed ourselves from that situation as the baby proved not to be my nephew’s after all (thanks, science!).

Still, I had come to terms with the fact that I was probably going to be a great-aunt and thought I would do something cute for my great-nephew, Frankie. I bought a trio of coordinating Onesies with the intention of doing a little dinosaur appliqué on each.  Then, as it got closer to the date, I started dragging my feet. Was I really going to put my heart into this, take all this time and then give it to that trashy family where they wouldn’t actually care about my efforts? A derailing, craft-induced ego trip, I know, but still. I was angry about the frustrations these people were causing my family.

I almost gave the Onesies to Goodwill but I decided they were too cute. I’d find a baby to put them on! I finally got around to putting them together this weekend.

First, I found cute dinosaur images on the internet. I’d give credit but that information is on my home computer and I’m work-blogging. I traced them and made dinosaur stencils to work from. I cut out the images from felt using an Exacto knife and my self-healing mat.

As is the case with all crafty undertakings, there was a set-back during this process. That set-back being that I didn't think to check under my felt for stray dinosaurs or stencils and beheaded both the T. rex stencil and felt cut out while detailing that stegosaurus. Dammit.

I pinned the felt dinosaurs onto the Onesies and used the blanket stitch the whole way around the dinos.

Brain-pin.

And voila!

Look at his little french-knot eye! I've done my first french knots, I'm like a real craft-lady.

A trio!

Now, someone make a baby for me to clothe.

Seriously though, having kids? #WTF. No offense to all the parents out there, many (MANY!) of the parents I know are amazing people.  It’s just that I think this animal-like urge to produce another human clouds judgment so much so that people actually start to act against their own best interests, i.e: Snooki. That woman is genetically a couple strands away from being a cat in heat. She just writhed around and moaned and ruined shit until something impregnated her. If you watch the video from the link below, I’m pretty sure you can hear Snooki in the background yelling “Somebody fuck me or I’m pissing on everything!”

zoo-creatures.jhtml#id=1629734

So yeah.

Next week’s project will be wrapping up a knit project I’ve been working on for the last two weeks, which I will totally finish on the MegaBus on my way to visit Rae in Philadelphia! I need this trip. Hard.

 

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Filed under crafts, generally awesome, sewing

too much time on my hands.

Ah, Pinterest. I waste all day at work looking at you and then waste my time at home trying to do the things you do.

Thanks to Pinny, I got a little more obsessed with nail polish than I’ve ever been before. This has lasted like 2-3 weeks. I’m already over it, I think. I was inspired by the tutorials over at Chloe’s Nails.

Funky tips for a dressy party. They look great because I angled my hands in such a way that you cannot see all the mistakes. Also my hands are hideous, that finger closest to the camera looks like it's swollen.

I actually painted these and then fretted about not having the right outfit to wear to compliment them. I need therapy.

Anyway, I could spend my time doing even more useless things. Be glad I haven’t gotten into amateur puppeteering.

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