I’m back! This time for the foreseeable future. I think. Happy belated holidays! Happy early New Year!
I’ve been crafting like crazy during the holiday season while also blowing my life savings on dental work, shopping for Christmas, celebrating Trent’s birthday, working more than I care to and ultimately getting a new job. It’s been a busy month. And, really, my crafts were all Christmas gifts anyway, so I used that to justify not blogging during the busy (nearly over) month of December. I should have checked in, but instead I’m going to cram this week with multiple posts to chat about each of my silly projects and what’s on the horizon for 2012.
Oh, and, if you think this has anything to do with Zelda, it totally doesn’t. I haven’t played the game for 3 weeks. LAME.
Let’s start there, actually.
I took a night off work with the intention of playing Zelda and drinking Vernor’s Ginger Soda in my sweatpants. In preparation for this evening, I woke up early, worked out (another thing that’s been on hiatus) and cleaned my entire house. I wanted to feel absolutely no guilt for the 15 hour video game indulgence I had planned. According to the UPS tracker, it was going to arrive any minute. I felt like a little kid, sitting by the window, the blinds drawn, just waiting for the guy in the brown suit to bring my new toy! Oh! Was that a knock? But I didn’t see the truck… Must be a friend visiting my downstairs neighbor. I couldn’t quite see who it was from the angle I was looking, so I made a quick dash to my neighbor’s door to see if it had been left there by mistake. NOPE. Instead, I found one of those horrible little brown and yellow notes informing me that they couldn’t get my signature and so had to take the package with them.
Anyway, after many tears and a few texts of (bewildered) consolation from the boything, I mustered up the courage to make arrangements to just pick the stupid thing up from the distribution center in the city the next morning. This worked out swimmingly, rendering the previous eve’s tears unnecessary, though my plans to stay home and play by myself were still ruined. The game’s awesome. I haven’t finished it yet, but I’ve already got some ideas for the craft that I’ll do to commemorate that day.
Speaking of dreaming up great crafts, I’m looking for some suggestions. After all the pain (and time and money) involved in fixing my tooth, I’ve got some great souvenirs. I’ll show you those in a minute, in the meantime, let’s take a pictorial journey through my dental procedures.
WARNING. There are about to be a lot of pictures of my teeth. Don’t know if yinz like that or not, but there you have it.
Step 1. I break my tooth and ignore it for two years. I finally decide to get it fixed when I start having some jaw pain. The dentist is impressed with how crappy my teeth are. Dr. Julie thinks a crown will be a good solution to the problem of the hole in my tooth. Also, after several x-rays, she reassures me that the pain is not caused by a bunch of tumors in my head. We decide that I probably grind my teeth. Cause, you know, it’s comforting to know that even while I sleep I’m angry.
See that guy, wayyyy in the back? He's an asshole.
Step 2. The dentist sends me to an endodontist to see if I might need a root canal. Dr. Mario (no joke) determines that I do not. He sends me back to Dr. Julie to start the process of getting the crown. This will require them to file down the tooth into a gross little nub after cleaning out any decay. She straight up hits a nerve with her evil little buzzy tools and back to Dr. Mario I go. Surprise! Root Canal!
Step 3. Dr Mario starts to give me a root canal. It hurts way worse than the last root canal I had and I cry silently in his chair while his assistant tries to wipe away my tears. He finishes it up and says “Come back in two weeks, we’ll finish it up.” I continue to cry and pay my bill.
Step 4. Dr. Mario finishes the root canal. It doesn’t hurt the same way as before but my jaw locks up pretty bad and I spend the next week with the most god awful tension headache and a shitty spackling job of a temporary filling in my mouth. No pics cause it hurt to open my mouth.
Step 5. Back to Dr. Julie for the crown! Yay! Finally! Wait… it takes two procedures too? Oh ok. I was reassured by the hygienist that I would not need the painful looking metal rods jammed into my jaw because “Yeah, we only do that if you get, like, hit in the face with a bat or something.” I needed the stupid rods anyway, because “[I] really don’t have much tooth left for the crown to stick to,” according to Dr. Jules. They put a temporary crown on my tooth and it looked like it had Down syndrome. It hurt and stuff got stuck in it all the time.
It's all round and not toothy. Also, there's a hole in it already. It's clearly weaker than it's predecessor.
Step 6. Get the permanent crown and everything’s hunky dory.
Look at the detail. Those crevasses. That's a tricky fake tooth right there.
They pretty much just popped the temporary crown off in one piece and my mouth felt so much better. I kind of wanted to leave without getting the permanent. But it was already paid for and they assured me it wouldn’t hurt like the temporary. And anyway, the good thing about having your crown worked on is that it doesn’t happen in your mouth. So while they were filing and grinding away at my fake tooth, we were chatting about all manner of silly things. Like how Jules is really angry about the success of one Malcolm McCormick a.k.a. Mac Miller a.k.a. her neighbor’s son who just sings too many darned songs about weed, donchaknow? When I had a moment alone with the hygienist, what ensued was one of the more awkward conversations I’ve had recently.
Me: So… do you think I could take home my fake tooth?
Her: You want it?
Me: Yeah, did you already throw it away? I mean that’s fine, I’ll still take it.
Her: No, it’s right here. What are you going to do with it?
Me: Well, I don’t know yet. But I have a craft blog and… well, I don’t really know. Make a necklace out of it?
Her: A craft blog.
Me: Shit. That sounds worse out loud. Never mind.
Her: No, it’s fine, you can totally take it. Here do you want this mold of your teeth too?
Me: REALLY? I mean, you don’t need that for… the future or something?
Me: This is AWESOME.
Her: I’ll get you a bag.
So that’s how I ended up with a mold of half of my mouth that my little crown fits into perfectly. It’s sitting on my mantle currently and I’m trying to decide what exactly to do with it. Should I make a necklace out of the crown? Like a little resin charm? Anyone have any suggestions? I feel like eventually, the fake teeth need to be spray painted gold. Or maybe I paint it super realistically and just paint the crown gold and they stay together as a little weird sculpture. Hey the internet, let me know your thoughts! Here’s what we’re working with:
Finally, when I’m looking for craft supplies, I always check out the Frick Market. You can get anything there.
I’ll be posting for the next couple of days, going back in time to cover my Christmas crafts and other adventures. Sorry this one wasn’t craft specific. I’m planning for the future. Also, I’ve got to acknowledge some fun blogsy stuff. My girl Yinzerella needs a solid shout out and my next post will be perfect for it.