So a while back… we’re talking March here… I decided that I was going to try to knock out a couple of my favorite Pinterest projects. This didn’t go as planned exactly (what does?) but I am here to announce that I have completed this challenge to myself. Sort of.
I started to make that amazingly cute little clutch. It’s seriously cute. I went with a hot pink and taupe color scheme because I had a lot of those colors in DMC thread laying around from the Golden Girls needlepoint I did last year. Oh god, I need pics of that so bad.
Little did I know that I would need a metric fuck-ton of the stuff. After buying out all of my local JoAnn’s stock of DMC 600 and 611 and the surrounding colors and hoping they’d just look cool and variegated, I still didn’t have enough. SO. That project is on hold.
In the mean time, I picked a different project from my “Shit I Like” board. Berroco offers free patterns on their websites and the Espenson was calling to me.
Lucky for me, I had the perfect yarn handy. You see, one day at work, my boss proposed a bonding experience that involved a 3 hour excursion to get Chik-Fil-A, go craft shopping and drink milkshakes. My boss is a 37 year old straight man. My coworker, Alfred, called it “the worst day of his life.” You win some, you lose some, Alfred.*
So I set to work. And damn it was a lot of work. I learned a few things, like how to increase and decrease stitches and that, for who-knows-what reason, the TSA totally lets you take knitting supplies on airplanes. Tell me how that’s logical.
I mostly finished the thing while I was on a plane home from a wedding in San Diego. When I got home, I stitched it up the sides and put it on. IT WAS FRUMP CITY. I just didn’t understand it. It was heavy and had no stretch. I should have gotten a photo with it on, but I was damn embarrassed.
I put it in a pile of clothes that I have to repair and consigned myself to just ripping the whole thing out. I was a little sick over it actually. I spent at least 30 hours on this thing. Let’s do some math:
Yarn: 5 balls at about $5/each (sale, woo!) = $25
Time: 30 hours at minimum wage ($7.25/hour) = $217.50
This sweater is worth $242.50. Just think about the last time you spent nearly $250 on an item of clothing. Yeah, never, right? Ok, ok… I know some folks reading this have, but I’m no Oprah. Occasionally I get dressed and realize, hours later, that I’m dressed head-to-toe in House of Goodwill. I fretted over pulling the whole thing out, but I knew it was the best thing for both of us. Just like putting the family dog to sleep.
Then I discovered the knitter’s miracle. BLOCKING. Oh my lord. I came home from work that day, ripped out the side seams and got the whole thing wet. Just like putting the family dog to sleep.
So this is the final result. Pretty swift, huh?
Up next, something summery. It’s fucking hot.*Note that this trip was inspired by Alfred’s deep seated hatred for the awkward teenage boy that works in our local Chik-Fil-A, offering to grind fresh pepper on your sandwiches and insisting that you take mints. We’ve all had separate encounters with the kid, only Alfred hated him. This trip was entirely about witnessing the interaction between Alfred, a 60 year old queen, and the minty fresh pimpled pepper grinder, but the kid wasn’t working that day. Worst day of our lives, indeed.